Got into so much trouble this week Y'all

hey y'all,
got into so much trouble. In part because i'm so shy and quiet at times and i second guess myself a lot of times. And being so tired on top of it doesn't help either. I'm working on speaking up but not offending people.

So i get asked so many questions everyday and for the majority of the time, thankfully i manage to answer some of the questions right. But sometimes it requires a lot of thinking and reflecting or the preceptor has to stir me in the right direction. Some things are just not at the tip of my tongue.

So the other day, was so tired and sleep deprived and i got asked some basic doses and for the life of me, my brain was in sleep mode and just couldn't function. I drank coffee and anything i could to help but the tiredness would not go away. I was miserable and slow. And of course, people dont remember your good days, they remember your bad ones. So one preceptor basically labeled me as not knowing basic anesthesia stuff and not caring.

I mean i do care but that day i was so exhausted and slow. I swear, i couldn't move, i was in a twilite zone, and thats called sleep deprivation. Whatever, lesson learned, i'm sleeping earlier now.

See, there are advantages and disadvantage of front-loaded and intergrated programs. I met some students from the intergrated programs. And to be honest, they feel much more comfortable then i am in the OR now because they've been there since the beginning.
But, they've said how challenging it can be at times because they'll have a patient with a coexisting disease and they havent taken co exixting class yet and it can be difficult to intergrade coexisting disease into the anesthesia plan if they havent done it yet.

With me in the frontloaded program, i already know all that stuff but i have to constantly review because some of these classes i took in september and the material is just not on the tip of my tongue and i have go back and review. But, as far as clinicals i'm catching up to the intergrated people because i have clinicals 4 days a week and they have it 1 day a week. And what i learned today, i can practice again over the next three days. The intergrated people have to wait another 7 days to practice again what they have learned today and thats what frustrated them at the beginning. And when they come back, they tend to forget what they learned the week before. But there up to 2 days a week now but a shorter clinical day then i have.

So, in the end no program is perfect.