Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

“Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs.”

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Front Loaded versus Integrated Programs

When deciding which programs to apply to i had to take into account what type of program i felt was the best match for me, front loaded Vs inter-grated program.

How did i decide which one was best for me?

Basically with the front loaded program, you have all of your didactics first then you go into clinicals. I basically taught that if i had a solid year of foundations first then i would be well prepared when clinicals rolled around. Basically, i didn't want to look bad in front of the preceptors. I wanted to a least have a good foundation before going into the OR. I wanted to avoid that "deer in heads lights" look. I wanted to basically know what i was doing versus having some idea or no idea of what was going on.

With the inter-grated programs, you go into clinicals soon after you enter into the program. Some people love it because they feel that this is the best way to learn. They go into clinicals all day, then come home to read about what they have done, and read assignments from classes. I image that people in that program probably end up having way more time in the OR and it becomes second nature to them by the time they graduate. That's cool too.

Did i make the right choice?

yes, i made the right one for me by choosing a front loaded program. And my friend made the right choice also for himself by going into an inter-grated program. I feel less stressed (if that's even possible in CRNA school). For now, i just have to concentrate on learning, and when clinicals roll around i will basically be reviewing what i learned and connecting the dots. Others will disagree and that is completely understandable and please share your stories with me. I am always open to hearing about your experiences, please share.

I recently found out they have a hand full of programs that are hybrids of inter-grated and front-loaded. So if you cant decided, go hybrid!!!!the first semester your in didactics and then second semester your mostly in class and you do 8 hours in clinicals, then the 3rd semester you do more 12-16 hours in the OR and so on....

I am enjoying my break right now, and I'm going on vacation in a few days. I'm excited, and when i get back i have some reading to do although we start back at the end of the month, but its the name of the game.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas to all

CRNA week is coming up next month. Counting down the days!!!!!

Friday, December 24, 2010

What the committee looks for in an applicant

So, potential applicants i spoke a little with one of the members of the committee on student admissions. And this is the run down.

First of, a high GPA is definitely important. People in my class have 3.7-3.9's. But if you're GPA is not that high, that's OK. A 3.4-3.5 could get you in if you also have other great features such as many years if ICU experience and certifications so on and so forth....

Second, a great personal statement/essay is also important. In the essay, they look for personal reasons as to why you want to be a CRNA. They look to see if you have shadowed a CRNA (it looks better of you shadowed a CRNA instead of an anesthesiologist) and don't lie about shadowing either. Believe it or not, the anesthesia community is not that big and they will find out sooner or later if you made false statements in your essay.

They also look for CCRN certification and other certifications. Getting certified is a great indication of what you know, and if your specialty also has specific certification exams then it would be beneficial as well. It shows a commitment to learning and will help you stand out as well.

You need great interview skills, which is something that i will admit that i lacked. You need to be well prepared for the interview and show confidence. I have a couple of the most frequently asked questions on those interviews, just check out the interview question section of this blog. I'll post more when i get some more questions from fellow classmates. Dress to impress as well for the interview and you know the drill...be prepared to also ask the committee questions as well.

If you guys have any questions don't be afraid to ask. If i don't know the answer I'll ask one of my classmates.

And one last piece of advice, try your best to find someone who attended or is currently attending the schools you are interested in and ask them to give you an idea of the program. Honestly you guys, I'm happy that i was admitted to CRNA school but i hate this program. My anesthesia professors are horrible and it just makes your life that much harder. The core professors are above and beyond excellent but that doesn't make up for the anesthesia professors. I wont reveal what program i am attending on this blog but coworkers and friends have asked me about it and i have been honest with them. If i could only turn back time.

But you know what, God is good and he will show me the way. I am in this program and i will give my all and do my best.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Semester two: done!!!!!

Wow, I'm extremely exhausted you guys. These last 3 weeks have been none stop. Its been one thing after the other, final after final. And alas, I'm done. can i have a sigh of relief now?

So, the whole class went out to celebrate after our last final and i cant believe its done. Guys, this is far more challenging then i expected. Anesthesia school is nothing compared to nursing school. Nursing school was a walk in the park for me. I mean, i studied a lot and got off the chart grades. But anesthesia school is a whole different ball game. I study twice as hard and twice as much. I make As and those dreaded Bs that i hated so much as an undergraduate. But you know what, I'm not going to complain anymore. I am just going to accept it and move on. And just like a dear classmate just told me, we could of been in worse situations with C's.

I have to start mentally preparing myself because next semester is more challenging from what I've heard.

I will definitely post lessons learned these next few weeks, but for tonight i just want to rest my mind and pray to the Lord and thank him for being by my side and always guiding me.

Its Christmas and i have so much to be grateful for!!!!

Thanks for reading. I have so much to share with y'all.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

its sad: another student dropped out

Came as a complete shock. Man that feels really bad. I still cant believe it. I knew that i didn't see this person for a few days but certainly didn't think they were going to drop out. We are nearing the end of the semester, just finish it out. Go out with a bang. I don't know the full situation, but i wish them the best and good luck.

Well, this person did give some explanation saying that the program was just to hard, and they didn't have that drive and motivation to do it anymore. And who knows might of had some personal issues too leading to that decision. And to be honest, i have my bad days too. This is not easy. And when i have my bad days i call my motivating buddy, Mr S, and my girl V. Heck, even my ex calls sometimes to motivate me(and that's another topic of its own).

Honestly, i cant emphasize the support system enough. You need it. You can not do this without cheerleaders and people to motivate you. I'm lucky that i have great family and friends. And i am grateful to still have that burning drive to do this. Its not easy, and its overwhelming at times. i cant count how many times i have called people to complain and cry too. Thank you for listening and giving me a shoulder to cry on. I need it.

Good luck and i hope you made the right decision for yourself and not look back on this and regret it. You will be missed dearly.

Saturday, December 4, 2010



Only a couple of more weeks until the end of the semester. Man, i tell you, i am so looking forward to my vacation. I'm going to be so lazy during the brake, I'm going to watch TV all day and lay in bed like the biggest couch potato you've ever seen. This is exhausting, and part of the reason is because the school of nursing is in the process of revising the CRNA curriculum and we are basically the first class doing this sequence of classes. And it is not fun, and i think that they have realized that this sequence is unrealistic and more changes need to be done.

I know that i can be an overachiever sometimes, but right now i just want to learn as much as i can to keep my patients safe and to graduate from this program successfully. Is that so hard to ask?

My classmates overall are great people, but there are a couple of funky ones also. They seem to be all over achievers, and hard workers as well. But you do have a couple who still manage to find time to go drinking and get drunk. It baffles me sometimes that they have times for that, and to go party. Maybe its me, do i need to just chill sometimes? am i too type A personality? i taught i was always type B and easy going. But i don't try to compare myself to others, that's futile. I definitely seek advice from others and then i do what is best for me. Some of them can stay up till 3 AM the night before the exam and come in at 8Am and take the test. I cant do that at all and i cant cramp either, especially for pharmacology.

Finals are a few weeks away and all i ask God is guidance and strength to make it in these last few weeks. My goal is not to be the best in class, but to be great at what i do, and successful.

That's all.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

The most studying i have ever done so far

Man, i tell you, this is by far the most studying i have ever done in my life. I swear, sometimes i get discourage. But i constantly remind myself of my goals and i just keep on moving. There is a light at the end of the tunnel i tell you.

Undergraduate nursing was child's play compared to what I'm doing now. If you though that pharmacology as an undergrad was hard, you are in for a hell of a ride. This is pharmacology on steroids. Plus, my professor cant teach well at all, and it makes it even harder because when you don't understand something and you ask professor "A" to explain, "A" cant. And that just baffles me. I don't get it sometimes, you've been teaching all these years and you still cant explain the concept and you just expect us the read and read and read until we get it on our own. And this only make the situation harder for us.

Some professors are great. I mean, they go above and beyond. You leave their class having actually learned something. And others, you feel like you didn't accomplish anything.

I spend 12 sometimes 16 hours in the library. As an undergrad, i studied a lot as well. I did do some 12 and 16 hours blocks of studying, but those where meanly around midterms and finals. Nowadays, my pushing 12hours every single day. No wonder i have no time to date (i know i know this should not be on my priority list). This one girl in the class complains that she doesn't spend all day studying like some people (i.e Blondy, brainy, cocky and myself, yeah these are some people from class, ill describe each personality on the next post) and "who has time for that" and the next week she was complaining that she didn't pass the midterm and was begging the professor for extra credit. So, i don't feel bad sometimes spending my days here.

Anyone planning on going to CRNA school, just prepare yourself for the long hours in the library, group study and some people wanting to compete with you. I don't understand the last point, why do people feel a need to compete? why cant we just help each other? Anyways, I'm in no competing mood, i just want to learn and graduate. Point blink. Leave me alone, go find someone else who has time for that.

4 more weeks till some must needed rest and recovery.

Peace out.
Going back to studying

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The anesthesia machine

So, we are currently studying the anesthesia machine. I'm pretty excited.
Its basically used to support the administration anesthesia, and it will be my electronic companion as i administer anesthetics.

I've been in the lab practicing and reading about the machine. The machine in the lab is dirt old, i mean really old, nothing remotely close to the newer machines currently being used in practice. Let me elaborate, imagine riding around and learning how to drive in a 1989-1990 Toyota. When later on, you will be driving a fully loaded 2011 BMW with all the latest features. Get the picture.

I swear, I've never seen anything so old. Sometimes, i pray that this thing does malfunction on me and blow up (that's not gonna happen but I'm a little paranoid i guess). I'm sure that those things must be hella expensive and we can not afford a newer version. We have to do all these calibrations and checks on these machines. And guess what? my classmate, lets call her Blondy, told me that on the newer versions you don't have to do all that work. You just basically hit a button and it does all these calibrations for you. Awesome!!!!

Been reading about the different systems (high pressure, intermediate and low pressure).Fun stuff...Cylinder, gauges, DISS, PISS, common flow valves and all that. I must say, it is all fun and very interesting. I mean, this is going to be how i will be managing people's lives. So, i better be in the library learning the ins and outs of the machines. Just which i could use the newer versions as well.

Anyways, 4 weeks left until the end of the 2ND semester. I'm excited, cant wait the hit the road on my road trip. Finals are coming up, not excited about that but I'll admit the fuel in this engine is slowly running out. Its time for some much need rest and recovery.

Guys, i love anesthesia. I swear, even on my road trip i will be reading more. Yup, I've found my calling.

Wish me luck Y'all
Happy holidays

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Things that i am greatful for this thanksgiving

I am grateful for the home I live in, the car I drive and the food I eat. How can I not mention my parents for their emotional and financial support during this journey of anesthesia school.

I am grateful to all my real friends who have seen me through a lot of good and bad over the years. Though we are hundreds of miles apart we are still close in mind and spirit. Seeing me through my process of applying to anesthesia school and now seeing me actually in anesthesia school.

I am very grateful that I don't owe one penny to anyone. My parents taught me to work hard for what I wanted. It was a lesson well learned and one that I still live by today. But by the time i graduate anesthesia school i will be owing "uncle SAM" a good chuck of change but it will be for the best.

I am grateful that as a staff nurse, i never killed anyone (you know wrong doses, wrong med situation) and i am grateful that i never froze during a code. Although I'll admit that i have gotten violently sick after a code (ie IBS etc..)

I am thankful for love and good people in my life that surround me with it.I am thankful for education and the great opportunities I have been given and to be able to go to a great school and meet great people.

I am thankful that despite everything that has happened recently, i am still open to love, finding love, being in love and to being loved.

Last, but not least, I am grateful to God for every day he gives me on this earth.

CRNA school is hard

Yeah, that's no surprise. I mean i am going to be handling people's lives. One wrong calculations in my med dosages, one wrong med given or not being an efficient CRNA can at any moment change someones life forever. The material is hard, especially pharmacology.

Pharmacology is hard. It is excessive and a lot of work. It is not easy and combined that with a pharm professor that's not on his "A" game and you now have a recipe for disaster. I mean, the pharm professor, lets call that one A, is a nice human being with a great personality but teaching isn't "A"s thing. Having someone who knows there stuff to the tee would be great for us. But unfortunately, this is the situation i'm in. We don't have a great pharm professor and it makes things that much harder. The other professor, lets call that one X, is all over the place. I swear, Ive never met someone so disorganized in my life. But honestly X means well. X wants to see all of us pass and all but man, i hate going to that class. But, i get to play with the anesthesia machine and i usually ignore the situation.

My other professors are great. Oh thank you Lord that i have the other two. Unfortunately, i wont have them next semester but at least i can enjoy them for now. Yes, i have professor X and A next semester and i am not looking forward to that. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, seniors told me that one of the anesthesia professors next semester is great. So I'm looking forward to that.

Mean while, i noticed that I'm like one of the only people who always stresses out about exams and all that. Seems to me like everyone else is just chillaxing. I mean, they study don't get me wrong but, i just feel sometimes that i worry too much and just need to take a step back and breath. Maybe I'm an overachiever? maybe? possible?

Honestly i spend most of my days in the library. Ive clocked in 12-16 hour days in the library. I swear, my family hardly see me. And from the situation that i ran into a few weeks back (drama in my love life), i now find myself pushing the limit now, doing more 16 hours then 12 just to keep my mind off things. I know a few other people who spend a lot of time studying as well. But sometimes i just have to remind myself to take it easy.

Anyhow, one of my closest friends wants to set me up on a semi blind date with two potential contenders. I say semi because Ive seen them before and befriended them on facebook. That facebook i tell you, nothing but trouble. They seem cool. I just have to pick which one to go out with, and they don't have a clue :)

Anyways, have a great thanksgiving guys

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

my fave quotes

No one ever reached to excellence in any one art or
profession without having passed through the slow and painful process
of study and preparation. - Horace (via W.E.)

“Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs.”

Albert Einstein quotes

My biggest fear

I love anesthesia, i honestly do. I cant imagine myself doing anything else. But my biggest fear is having to know so many drugs in school and sometimes i fear that i wont remember them when i get to clinical practice, God willing that i get there.
I taught i was the only one with those concerns, until someone mentioned that in class yesterday, and we all started talking about it. Its comforting to know that everyone else has those same fears, and doubts. Our professor even addressed that issue, and reassured us that once we start clinical practice we would have a better understanding of those drugs then our clinical preceptors because they are still fresh in our minds. He was honest with us and said that 70% of anesthesia graduates forget 90% of what they learned. You just have to refresh yourself in clinical practice, and you wont have to deal with the amount to drugs you learn in school.

Well, made me feel little better, but i still have fears.

Yup, and he didn't forget to mention that in a code people will be looking at the anesthetist to run it (i knew that part already), and you just have to take a breath and do what your trained to do. Yeah sounds easy until your in the situation and everything you could possibly fear that could go wrong, will go wrong.

I'm doing my best here to stay positive. I'm going to learn as much as i can, and do as i am trained. And the rest is in the hands of the big guy upstairs (i know that i'm not alone)

peace out
Hitting the library

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

This was one of the toughest weeks yet

Wow, i am mentally and physically exhausted, and it really didn't have anything to do with school actually. Nonetheless, i made it through, and navigated through a rough patch in my life.

Yeah, the purpose of this blog was to strictly vent about the everyday activities related only to anesthesia. But, its sometimes hard to separate my private life from anesthesia life. I have to be a professional and leave my feelings at the door. And most of the times i do, but sometimes you just cant help it. And this weekend was rough.

I had two major exams this week, had one yesterday and the other today. I'm not a procrastinator and i actually like reading everyday. Well, that habit came in handy because by the time Friday came, disaster followed.

First, it was waking up at 430am and seeing my grandmother in hypertensive crisis and in distress. It wasn't fun, had to rush her to the hospital. I was concerned over that but she managed to do well. Sleep deprived and calm after that episode, i jetted off to the library. But by the time nighttime came, had another major crisis. And this time it had nothing to do with the grandparent. I'm not going into details but i was simply left in tears and heart broken. I usually have a hard time trusting people, and for the first time i let my guards down just to be deceived.

I spent most of Sunday morning in a daze, could barely touch a book and had little sleep. Sunday night, i managed to pull myself together and read a little for my exams. But anyways that was the weekend, and on Monday my classmates could see that i was not myself. Guess I'm not good at hiding my emotions.

But, remember that crazy professor i told you about in one of my previous post. I swear, i couldn't stop laughing the whole class. Professor A. was clearly having a bad time too, and A. was just crazier then ever. I laughed so hard that it dried my tears away. We learned about the anesthesia machine, and A. clearly needed some practice using the machine. I'm guessing that A. hasn't used that type of machine in a long time.

Anyways, i managed to pull myself together and took one exam on Monday. Grades are back, and looking good. :). Had the other one today, and we'll see what happens.

I feel better actually. I have great friends and family. And although i didn't go into detail about the 2nd crisis in my life with them, they understood and still gave support. I am truly blessed to have great friends and family that understand me.

I navigated through a taught one you guys. lets just say, you have no idea what went on. But God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

I take it as a life lesson. Never a failure, always a lesson.

Anyways, today is the first night in a long time since i have taken some time out for myself. I think i finally deserve a brake from mr books, and I'll see him tomorrow in the library.

Goodnight people.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


what ever happened to helping each other?

I don't understand why people sometimes feel the need to compete with each other. We are in anesthesia school together and we should be helping each other. I'm not into competition. The only person that i need to compete with is myself.

I was not surprised but totally turn off when i see how people are literally competing with each other. For instance people sometimes read from the valley anesthesia book, but they will straight up lie about it and will on occasion accidentally slip when 3 days ago they said they don't use it. Get the picture.

And this one girl in class. Wow. Seems like people don't like her much. I'm not sure why. She seems cool but the people she hangs out with all the time never told her about the valley books, and never gave her some really helpful study aids. It wasn't until she asked me for help and i mentioned to her that the Valley was a great resource and she looked at me like "what are you talking about?" and im like " didn't the people you hang out with tell you" and she's like no. Of course, she's upset at them and wants to hang with me now. Oh brother. This was a drama filled week.

I don't really trust people from that program anymore. All they want to do it compete.

Please. Who the hell has time for that?

Anyways, my love life has crashed and burned before my eyes. Major disappointments. Long distance, and no free time are the culprits. I don't know what to do. I think I'm having a quarter life crisis in the middle of anesthesia school. Since I'm closer to 25years old then 50, i cant be having a midlife crisis. So I'm having a quarter life crisis.

My books are my refuge, i start reading and all these taught s go away for the time that I'm in the library.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


We recently applied for the AANA, the American association of nurse anesthetist. I am now officially a member. I wonder when my card will be arriving.

Anyhow, i took this online survey thing that they had about stress and your overall health. Well, at first i taught it was annoying and too long. But i decided to finish it. And well, not surprisingly, I'm very stressed out. REALLY, tell me something i didn't know.

The survey asked about overall health, drug and alcohol use, exercise patterns and so on. Cool questions that i didn't think about. Anyways, at the end of the survey they give me some helpful advice. Some i already practiced and a couple i just learned so i taught i would just share with you some of their tips on coping with stress.

Thank you for your participation. The AANA is here to serve and help protect our members.

Here are 10 ways to decrease stress.
1. Talk it out
2. Exercise
3. Avoid false guilt
4. Set realistic goals and priorities
5. Avoid perfectionism
6. Maintain a sense of humor
7. Hang loose. Set aside time to relax
8. Live by the calendar, not the stopwatch
9. Avoid overindulging in drugs, alcohol, caffeine and nicotine or food.
10. Think positive

Thank you for your help and support
Terry and Tony

Anyways, peace out i have to go study

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Structures that i have to remember

Gosh, i knew going into this that i had a lot of drugs and dosages to remember and their mechanism of actions and effects on the body. But geesh, i have to remember structures as well.

I don't understand how that is relevant is my future practice. can someone please explain that to me?
How is remembering the structure of thiopental or, propofol going to be relevant in my practice?

Yes knowing the different dosages is very important, and knowing how they are metabolized is important as well because i want to know how these drugs are eliminated from the body, and knowing the side effects is also relevant. That will make me a good, knowledgeable practitioner. And i do want to administer anesthesia safely and responsibly.

But i still dont understand why we need to know some of these structures.

Do they even ask these questions on the boards?

As if i don't have enough to learn and remember all ready.
Anyways, that's the structure of thiopental. Maybe seeing it often will help to memorize it.

Anyways, peace out.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Loving anesthesia

So, the first few months of this program was basically learning the basics. Now, we are really getting into what i like, the anesthetics, anesthesia and drugs. I'm loving it.

The drugs are pretty hard to remember. You have to know all these dosages and mechanism of actions of these drugs. How these drugs are metabolized, and active/nonactive metabolytes. So, its getting harder and complicated but then again seniors told us to have fun over the summer, the real anesthesia starts in the fall. And i will say it loudly "they were so right". This is not a joke.

From the first day of class in September to now, ive already learned the opiods most commonly used in anesthesia, the benzodiazepenes, the induction agents and the neuromuscular drugs. Boy, my brain is getting tried already.

We learned how to manipulate the OR table. And that wasn't that great. I dont really care for that but i have to learn it. Next up is the anesthesia machine, and i cant wait to do that. I'm excited and that's next week. WOW.

We dont learn A-line and CVP insertions until next semester. And i cant wait for that either.

Types of anesthesia include local anesthesia, regional anesthesia, general anesthesia, and dissociative anesthesia. Local anesthesia inhibits sensory perception within a specific location on the body such as the hand. Regional anesthesia numbs a larger area of the body by administering anesthesia to a cluster of nerves. Two frequently used regional anesthesia are spinal anesthesia and epidural anesthesia. General anesthesia describes unconsciousness and lack of any awareness or sensation.

I'm reading Miller's anesthesia and that book is hard as hell. Most of the time, i end up going to the Morgan and Mikhail book, that's much easier to understand.

Enough anesthesia talk. I'm getting too excited here.

Personal life is looking great. Cant hang out that much cause of school, but its looking brighter. I'm such a geek, i swear.

managing stress

This week was truly intense. One of the worse weeks so far in this program, and i learned one thing about me. I taught i knew how to managed stress, but apparently i don't.

I had 3 midterms within 2 days, and oh boy, i was up till 2AM every night studying. I'm exhausted. And i realized i managed stress poorly. It wasn't until today that i realized that i basically didnt eat that much these past few days. I would start eating then my mind would start drifting off to my midterms, and i would loose my appetite.

So, i've decided to do some research and share with you new techniques i have learned to managed stress. I mean in order for me to survive this program i need to find other means to handle my stress; not eating is not safe at all. Please feel free to share your stress management techniques.

Look around
See if there really is something you can change or control in the situation

Set realistic goals for yourself
Reduce the number of events going on in your life and you may reduce the circuit overload

Don't overwhelm yourself
by fretting about your entire workload. Handle each task as it comes, or selectively deal with matters in some priority

Learn how to best relax yourself
Meditation and breathing exercises have been proven to be very effective in controlling stress. Practice clearing your mind of disturbing thoughts.

Change the way you see your situation; seek alternative viewpoints
Stress is a reaction to events and problems, and you can lock yourself in to one way of viewing your situation. Seek an outside perspective of the situation, compare it with yours. and perhaps lessen your reaction to these conditions.

Selectively change the way you react,
but not too much at one time. Focus on one troublesome thing and manage your reactions to it/him/her

Avoid extreme reactions;
Why hate when a little dislike will do? Why generate anxiety when you can be nervous? Why rage when anger will do the job? Why be depressed when you can just be sad?

Do something for others
to help get your mind off your self

Get enough sleep
Lack of rest just aggravates stress

Work off stress
with physical activity, whether it's jogging, tennis, gardening

Avoid self-medication or escape
Alcohol and drugs can mask stress. They don't help deal with the problems

Begin to manage the effects of stress
This is a long range strategy of adapting to your situation, and the effects of stress in your life. Try to isolate and work with one "effect" at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself. for example, if you are not sleeping well, seek help on this one problem.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Some support please

So, i was at work a few months back when one of my co-workers started this tirade, in the middle of our hallway. She goes into this long bitter outburst about the younger staff members.
Most of us love this job, but for various personal reasons and personal growth, many of us have decided to go back to school.
You would think that she would praise us for our efforts, motivating us to advance in our nursing career, but no. Instead, she starts talking about loyalty, implying that we should have a sense of duty to this place because senior nurses have worked hard to train us. I understand her prospective, but that shouldn't hinder my motives for advancing my career. If you are satisfied with your current job, then let it be. There's nothing wrong with being a staff nurse, but if you are unhappy with your current position, you have the right to pursue other areas without having to be harangued at work by co-workers.
How about some support? encouragement?

What i wanted to say was:" why don't you mind your own business you old hog, bitterness leads to nothing"

Anyhow, i quit after that. Her tirade only motivated me, and has forced me to put in even more hours into studying.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

This is going to be a hell of as semester

Its only been a couple of weeks since we got back in session, and i can already tell that this is going to be a crazy semester, in part because, two of our anesthesia professors CAN NOT TEACH.

I'm not at all implying that they are horrible practicing anesthetists, but i simply think that they can not communicate well what they have been practicing. In fact, i now know one nurse who worked in the OR with the pharmacology professor. And apparently, he is a great anesthesia provider, but, man i tell you, teaching is not his thing. Maybe he would make a great preceptor. I swear, the more he talks the more confused i get. He goes off topic a lot; he'll start talking about one drug then he realizes that he mixed it up and wanted to tell us about another drug. He is an intelligent person, and might have great knowledge too. But conveying that knowledge it a whole different domain.

Then you have the other anesthesia professor, totally disorganized; all over the place and just a plain mess. I swear, that one needs psych meds ASAP. lets end it here. I'll tell you more about that one next time. I need to dedicate a whole entry to that one.

In contrast, my other professors are well organized, speak and communicate well, and absolutely perfect. Why cant they all be the same? Just make my life easier please. I've basically been living in the library these past couple of weeks, and barely had time to do anything else.

My class mates party like crazy. I swear, they're always hanging out, going to restaurants together. They always invite me, but i'm like we have so much work, and who the hell has time to go party like that. Am i missing something? i am to anal about school? One on them said that this is the "party semester." WOW. While I'm the library studying induction agents and benzos, they are having a hell of a time going to restaurants, and socializing.

So anyways, my social life is looking better these days. I still don't have time to hang out as much as i would like too, but the personal life is looking better too. Its hard to date when you have this load of work. lets see what happens.

That picture up there is from a recent trip out of town, a little R&R just before class started again. Its a man in statue like attire. I swear, i was so scared to get next to him. I have a fear of mimes. can you believe it? mimes? I swear something must have happened to me in early childhood. He was moving his body like a mime, and i just stood there frozen afraid to get close, but managed to get a pic before i darted out of there.

Peace out

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Student out

So, school is back in session, and getting ready for this new semester. New things to learn, new professors with some old ones from last semester. And one missing face.

Yup, one student is gone. Isn't that just sad. I mean i don't know the exact circumstances leading to this student decision to leave, or was he/she forced to leave, but anyhow, this person is gone.

Seriously, i don't want anyone to fail out of this program, nor am i saying that this person failed out. But apparently, he/she is going for the Nurse practitioner program now. All i can say is good luck to you, and i hope all works out for you.

It saddens me because, honestly you guys, i don't want to see people fail. I'm not competitive by nature, and i want to see others succeed. have never being competitive when it comes to school work, nor do i care to be.

This is how is see things.

I have my study buddy, the best person in the world. She keeps me in check. She completes me. Where i lack skills in, she excels and vice versa. I'm hard core, very hard core. When i start studying, i can go for hours. Some intense all out studying, i come up with crazy questions, i think outside of the box, and i challenge her. On the other hand, i tend to overdue it sometimes. That's where she comes in, she'll slow me down, and remind to take a brake, and if there's something Ive overlooked she's there to remind me. She likes the way i study, she says it pushes her.

At the same time, my buddy is very organized. I'm not as organized as she is, but I'm getting there. And that's where she excels, very organized. She's able to find previous students who've taken the course before and ask questions. And that's what i like about her.

Some days, i don't know what i would do without her, and some days she says the same about me.

So, i cant help feeling guilty or wondering what i could've done to help this person. I don't want to see other fail at their goals, its just who i am.

But it's back to focusing on this semester now, gonna start reading so that i don't fall behind, and if i do i know i have J there to push me, and again remind of my goals. What would i do without her.

On that note, I'm off to the library y'all

peace out

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Vacation is over

Yup, the end is near. Few more days, and its back to hard work. The brake was great while it lasted. But i must say that anesthesia was on my mind the whole time.

What is this coming semester going to be like?

Well, i feel energized and ready to take on the new.....

Stay tuned people......we'll see what happens

Wish me luck y'all

Sunday, August 22, 2010

watchfull care: a history of America's nurse Anesthetist


I would definitely recommend this book to anyone in CRNA school, or anyone thinking about going to CRNA school and our physician counterparts as well.
Basically, it goes over the field of anesthesia from infancy to the turn of the century. From doctors seeking competent staff who would devote their attention to the patient instead of novice residents who were more concerned with what the surgeon was doing, then paying attention to the anesthetize patient. To building formal nurse anesthesia programs, to seeking accreditation, and maintaining the viability of the profession.

Read it in about 3 days. Would of taken less time, but was a little distracted. Check it out. For those going to your CRNA interview, it might come in handy.

Peace out, Y'all

Saturday, August 21, 2010

final grades are in

Final grades are in, finally. This one professor took forever to post the final grades. Honestly, started to get worried when she took so long. i kept calling everyone to see if they got there grade back, and luckily i wasn't the only one.

My overall taughs so far about the program. Well, this hard. i dont want to seem so repetative but it is. And that's understandable, i wouldnt want someone putting me to sleep, and their credentials were not top notch.

And we start more anesthesia specialty classes this fall, i'm nervous. Seniors have warned us, and i know what to expect but it hasn't calmed my nerves one bit. But i can only do my best, and work hard. i'm guessing that i probably wont have a lot of time on my hand to update this blog as often as i would like, but i will definately try my best.

i'm nervous.....wish me luck y'all

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Readings: i am insane

So, i love books. I can say that reading is one of my favorite past times now. Currently reading 3 books at the same time. Let me elaborate on that.

First, I'm reading a book assigned by the school and they expect a paper after that. That's fine, but i read the book already halfway and incredibly boring, so i stopped. Its about anesthesia but I'll read it again, and do the paper. I mean i like learning about anesthesia, but its aimed towards the history of anesthesia, and i find it so repetitive. So, in between reading the anesthesia book, i will be reading a romance novel, my fave subject.

And when the mood hits, I'll be reading small passage from this book of poems titled relationship devotional. Ive read some sections, pretty cool. Needless to say, i read the section on passion and seduction. Hey, what can i say, not getting any fun times around here. And this is my only time i get to read what i actually enjoy reading. Once school starts again, its back to hitting the library 24/7. I'm tempted to read the section on partners in love and life next.

By the way, my shopping online for these anesthesia books. Wow!!! very expensive. One book is like $445 alone. That's the most expensive book ever i need to get. You bet I'm going to be going looking around for a cheaper alternative because $500 is a lot of $$$$. The other books are OK. I remember in nursing school i had a lot of tricks up my sleeves, i managed to borrow or get those books are reduced price, hopefully i can do the same. lets see what i can pull from my books of tricks.

I am enjoying the rest of my summer, savoring every last moment minute until school starts again. Went to the beach and had a great time. Next stop an amusement park for sure.

Peace out

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Questioning my motives

I am infuriated. As one of my, supposedly, friends questioned my motives for wanting to go into nurse anesthesia.

I guess i have to learn to grown thicker skin. That's one thing I'm slowly learning, and my friend/co-worker (he calls himself the Nigerian_god) has been very encouraging. I mean, one can not simply do this for the money, or prestige. This is hard work. This is not a joke, and at the end of the day if you don't really like this, no matter how much money you are making, you will not like/survive this.

So, needless to say i was offended and most of all hurt by this person's comments. I have done nothing but encouraging this person to move forward with their lives. Actually, this person had basically given up on the idea of going back to school. She was satisfied with an associate degree with nursing. I encouraged her to go back and get my bachelor's degree. She went on to explain how she dropped out of this school, and then that school and on....She had many transcripts from different schools and some of then with F's because she never finished those semesters. She was having fun with her boyfriend.

I stuck to her like a tick and after she saw me making moves to go forward with my master's degree, she woke up and started taking things and life seriously. She's graduating in December with her bachelor's in nursing. I'm happy for her.

But that happiness was short lived, when in return she comes up to my face and says I'm in it for the money.

Yes, this is a lucrative profession, but money is honestly a small fraction in my motives for doing this. Honestly, i like working in the OR, and over time as a get older, maybe I'd like to work in a clinical settings with a dentist maybe, i like having that option. I want to give anesthesia to an open heart surgery patient today, and the next give an epidural to a woman in labor. I like the fact that today i can talk to my patient while they are in labor, and the next day 10 minutes after introducing myself, my patient has drifted into "lala Land", fast asleep. And why not intubate my patient today and then put in a central line. Why not have a code today, a code tomorrow and then next i see a miracle of life being delivered.

I had a nagging feeling that this was coming, but i had hoped for the best. Didn't want to loose a friendship. I encouraged her to do it as well. And all she could say is "anesthesia is so dangerous, i don't like it." Well then, be supportive and don't put me down. I'm already stressed as it is, and i cant believe how much it hurt to loose a friend. To me, friends eventually become family. And when she turned her back on me i felt hurt and miserable.

When i first got into the program, i didn't even want people to know. I was hiding it like crazy. I was terrified every time someone at work found out and came up to me and asked me. I just wanted to run and crawl into a hole. So, I'm not a bragger nor a showoff either.

People can be so shady......so much for friends

Monday, August 9, 2010

Support system

I can not emphasize how important it is to have a good support system. i mean spiritual, emotional and financial support going into this. the most important is probably moral support.

Sometimes, i come home so beat up, feeling down and tired. And nothing feels better then when you open that door and you find someone there greeting you at the door giving you support and encouraging you.

I don't have a life partner/significant other. But i do have family. I was, at first, unwilling to basically revert back to my pre college days when i was broke and depended on my parents for money. And i really looked into going away for school. But ultimately, i chose a school near my parents. And might i say that although we don't see eye to eye, my parents have been supportive. Even if i was miles away, and had support over the phone, some support is better then no support. they are my cheerleaders i tell you.

I do on occasions see this one person/potential partner, but i get mixed signals. What can i do, its life. The person is encouraging but....lol

But man, may i say how good it feels to have someone give you a hug on a bad day.

Thanks a lot family

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Semester one: officially over

Wow, I'm am exhausted. These last couple of days were really intense. It was basically, none stop studying. The library was definately my home away from home.

Pharmacology is not a joke. I dont even know how i managed to memorize all those drugs, their mechanisms of action and their side effects. Having my study buddy by my side was great. We just kept each other on tract, and whenever one was getting behind, the other was their to help push you forward. Pharm is not my favorite subject, but i somehow manage to always to well in that class. Always better then the other classes.

Physiology. Now, thats a topic i like. It's just interesting and fun to read, especially about the cardiovascular and respitory systems. I wish we did the "reproductive" system, if you know what i mean.

Anyways, i made a great choice when i resigned. I dont know how i would of managed to keep up with all the demands of this program with a job. I know i need the money but honestly, You are constantly doing something, either studying or writting a paper. Every one is different. I think i have decent time managment skills, but even with that i still felt i didn't have enough time.

Let me enjoy the rest of my summer, cause i know the fall is going to be hell.

peace out

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Finals week coming up

The dreaded finals week is coming. That essentially equals to no sleep, no socializing unless the people your are socializing with are your classmates. In that case, your socializing will be done in the library, my favorite spot on campus. Yes, you will usually find me in there, with my Starbucks iced Carmel coffee, or skinny iced vanilla coffee at hand; my books and notes sprawled in front of me, and my loyal study buddy by my side.

What would i do without my study buddy? She keeps me in check. Actually, we keep each other in check. Once in a while, i have my bad days where I'm in no mood to study. Oh yes, she will give me a long speech, and kindly remind me of the amount of loans i have taken on for this program. And that essentially, will "scare the hell out of me", and there i go running towards the library door with her behind me. I call her my motivation, or more like my reminder. Don't get me wrong, i absolutely love anesthesia. But this program is intense and non stop. You will get exhausted, and having her around has helped.

Did i mention that my dating life went from minimal to nonexistent. She has even suggested that i start dating. But who has the time when you have exams every two weeks, and in between you have papers and projects to do.

Solution? Eharmony

I barely have time to fill that thing out. I barely have time to write on my blog. Blog entries take about 5 minutes for me to complete, max.

That questionnaire, please. Probably take at least 30 minutes. After spending 4 hours straight listening to one of my lectures online, i don't have that kind of patience to sit another 30-45 minutes filling out a questionnaire.

Do you guys have any suggestions?

or maybe, I'll fill it out during our break from school? that's a thought

Anyways, one of my classmates wants to get pregnant. Are you kidding me? This is not the time to have a baby. This program is very demanding, and not the time to think about getting pregnant. I'm not here to judge, but that decision should of been made pre CRNA program. How can one study for exams every 2 weeks with a screaming new born. Oh, but that's not the kicker, her husband lives in another state. So, essentially shes going to be on her own with a new baby, her husband is not done with school. So, whose going to watch the baby i kindly asked. She's going to move her mother in with her, her mom lives in another country.

Complicated, i say.

She asked for my advice, and i was honest enough to tell her it was a bad idea. She's concerned that she's 33. 33 is not old. By the time we graduate, she'll be 35-36. Still relatively young. But she's more like, "your not in my shoes your much younger then me. You wont be in your 30's when you graduate."

I don't know what to say. Pregnancy makes you so tired. I'm concerned she wont have the energy to study. And once the baby is here, she'll loose focus.

Anyways, peace out. I have to study now.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Semester one: almost over

Can someone say the countdown begins.
We have just a couple of weeks left until the semester is over. Where did the time go?
I was feeling so exhausted, and shameful too because i taught i was the only one. Alas, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Asked around, and my classmates are feeling exhausted too.
Summer semesters are tough because we have exams every week. It was like no brake for your brain, the ultimate brain workout. I tell you, in August, I'll be partying like crazy until class resumes in September. That project is going to have to wait.
Until then, i have to put in the work.
Sometimes i get a little down now, mainly because i am broke as hell. But I'm not the only one in that boat. my study buddy is cooking food everyday and bringing it to school to save money. I've been doing that too, but sometimes i just get tired of carrying my lunch box around like I'm in first grade, or something.

Anyways, major drama. One of my classmates informed me that her loan didn't go Thru. I'm so scared for them. Shes doing great in the classes, but last week she was so distracted because of the loan issues. She could barely take notes during class because she just kept thinking about it. I hope everything works out for her. She's a great person.
My suspicions were confirmed this past week. Two of my male classmates are gay. I don't have anything against that. One of them is so clean cut, i mean supper clean. Too clean cut to be a straight man. I mentioned that to my buddies, and some were like no way. Others were unsure. Anyways, they've been hanging together alot. Hey, maybe we have our first budding love story in our class.

We had this pharmacology guest speaker come in this week. The speaker was horrible. Why do they do this to us. Just as i was starting to get use to our professor's style. Bam!!!! curve ball. The guest speaker. Now, what am i suppose to expect for the next exam?

By the way, this been supper hot lately. I'm walking down the street, and I'm sweating like crazy. Men are sweating like crazy, when you stand next to them the smell of their armpits hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. Girls are walking around with their skirts around their necks, and their ass cheeks hanging out.

Oh brother, i miss spring.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My life as a nurse anesthetist student

The first and conceivably the central reason why i am pursuing a career in health care is because i want to make a positive contribution, and the desire to do something that will ameliorate the life of others, and take away pain and suffering felt by patients. I view nursing as a calling and not a vocation. It is the desire to dedicate your life to helping others. I can be the giver of hope to people.
My interest in nursing anesthesia began in nursing school following an experience in clinicals. A fellow student and I were rotated to the OR to observe a routine procedure. We arrived into the OR just as the anesthesia person was setting up for the case. I began observing him attentively from the time he started checking his equipment until he put the patient under anesthesia. I became enthralled by what he was doing. After the procedure was done, my classmate and i began recapping our experience in the OR to our professor. Enthusiastically, I began describing what the anesthesia person had done. My professor mentioned to me that I should look into nursing anesthesia. At that point, I had never heard of nurses doing anesthesia. A short time later, I began doing research.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Social life

At this point, all i can say is my social life is dead. Barely went out this July 4Th weekend. I just needed a little time away from the books. There's nothing wrong with that right?

And everyone was talking about this party next week and that event going on next month. And I'm like, " yup wont be in attendance, will be missing that one too and that one most likely."

Its doesn't really bother me because I'm working towards a goal, and one day i will be harvesting the fruits of my labor. Until then, I'll enjoy socializing with my study buddy.

But man, i wished i partied more before i went into this program. So, all i have to say before you get into this, party hard and party well. Because once you start, the partying is over until you get to your next brake from school.

And got the worse possible news one can image the other day. So, at the end of this semester we have 3 weeks off of school. My plans were made, i had a list of things to do, and places to visit. My friend tells me that we have this project mandated by the school, that we do during our break. Then its not a break then if we have work to do. Just because were at home doing the project, doesn't mean its not work. I don't know what it entails. And for now, i don't care to know. I only heard the part about handing in a 20 page assignment, and my heart shut down. Dint hear anything after that.
So much for going to south beach.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Working while in school

Well, that's not going as i expected at all. This is a pretty heavy course load, more work then expected for the beginning of this program. And i have been warned time and time again, it only gets worse from this point forward. Nonetheless, i was ready for the unavoidable, i quit my job.

Yes, i resigned, it was just too much. I love my job, and it brings money. But i realized that I've come this far into this. This is a commitment to become an anesthesia provider. Ive taken out all this loan, and the benefits out weight the consequences.

I know one fellow student who failed out of this program, and still has to pay back all these loans. Can you image having 60 thousand in loans and now having to pay it back and not having the degree you were working towards. Scary!!!

Spoke to upperclassmen, fellow classmates, and after juggling school and work for a while, it was overwhelming and exhausting. And i came to this final decision.

Yes, i know. Many will say that they know people who worked during this program, but when you start clinicals its pretty much impossible to do. Whats the point of going to work when all I'm thinking about is the next test, or the next paper due.

Anyways, I'll be working per Diem. Therefore, I'll have some sort of income, and not completely broke. I'll have more time for school, as well. And maybe work on my love life too. There's nothing wrong with that right? I'm still single and ready to mingle.

And on that note, peace out, off to the library again.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

This was a taugh week

Lots of work was put in this weekend, and this is only the beginning of the program. This is CRNA school after all, this is not a walk in the park.
Had two major exams by week 3 of the program. Barely finished with those two exams, now i have to study for yet another one next week and, in the meantime, i have to get started on this final paper, and start some of the online modules required.

Its always good to communicate with your classmates, because i wasn't the only one feeling tired. So, after the exams about half of the class headed to this cool hot spot near campus, had lots of fun. We drank a little, we're adults after all, and got to know each other.

Class demographics.
The youngest person in our group is 24 and the oldest is close to 40 years old. We have a couple of moms and dads. Everyone seem very pleasant. Not allot of people are working . It seems like most people are working per diem, i don't blame them. To be honest, you have to read everyday to keep up. I resigned last week, its just too much. I'll do the per diem thing too. Don't get me wrong, i know people who worked during this program and passed, and honestly I'm asking myself how did they do it. Its allot of work. And according to our upper class men, it only gets worse. I want to give this my best shot, so i will be poor for the next couple of years.

Anyways, going to meet up with my study buddy.
peace out

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Advice from Seniors


Man, they are so lucky. Just over two years ago, they were in my shoes, fear of the unknown. They have gone thru this rigorous program, and only 2 more months to go. kudos to them. They are counting down. They are so excited. Wish i was in their shoes right now.
Any how, they had some helpful advice to give:

1) make friends.
Your friend will call you in middle of the night and say: "how do you do this assignment?" And your reply will be: " what assignment?"

Get my drift. You will keep each other on track.

2)Don't worry about money.
This is not the time to go shopping at D&G. Save your money, you never know what situations you'll run into.

3)Check your bulletin board or email.

Whatever way your school keeps in contact with students, make sure your updated. Because you don't wanna go to registration and discover that you still own money from the semester, or you don't have clearance with health services, and therefore you cannot register.

4)Be proactive in your education.
These professors are here to facilitate your education, and not here to spoon feed you. So, hit the books, and start learning stuff on your own too.

5)Be responsible and own up.
Be careful in clinicals. if you don't know something ask before you do it. Because if you hurt the patient, it is your responsibility. If you kill them, its your responsibility. You should know your drugs before coming to clinicals, its your responsibility.

6)Be flexible.
When clinicals come around, they might send you somewhere you didn't want to go (i.e somewhere pretty far from your home).
Advice, get a car now if you don't have one. Doesn't have to be fancy.

7)Know your basic meds.
You'll look better, and albeit smarter in clinicals.

Once again people, gonna hit the books.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Week one: this is not a joke

Going into this, i knew that the course load was heavy and we've basically hit the ground running. Classes are 3-4 hours long, and already we have exams coming up by the end of the second week of school, crazy!!! It is a summer semester after all, what did i expect. And in between exams, we have Homework and projects. OH la la! So many things to do, so little time.
Anyways on another note, making friends with some of the other SRNAs. They seemed pretty cool. Met one girl, she's from LA and married. Wow, still cant believe she left her husband behind to pursue her dreams. That's dedication. Don't know her well yet, but she seems pretty focused. She's definitely going to be my study partner. I always like pairing up with people to study, makes things easier, and at the end of the program you walk away with a great friendship. That's been my personal experiences.

I'm off guys. Going to hit the books now, I'll keep you all posted.

Friday, June 4, 2010


Well, had orientation at the school of nursing, and it was pretty hectic and chaotic. Of course, we all have that awkward feeling of being new. Tried really hard to introduce myself to people, but they were also other students from others MS programs as well so it was hard locating SRNAs.
Eventually, was able to find my group once we were called for advisement. Looks like we have around 30 students. Basically, they went over the sequence of classes we would be taking.

First impression:

Environment. This is a colorful community, looks decent. Its isn't like the area i work in, or reside in. But it is different, and is doable. I will certainly be exploring, surveying this area, and see what it has to offer. I am not resistant to change, change is welcome.
Its a relatively small campus, wont take me that long to find my way around. The student lounges look very well updated and well kept, that's a plus. Looks like everything is state of the art and relatively new. This is a prestigious program, well that's what they kept saying anyways, and i guess that's one of the perks, great upkeep.

Everyone looked pretty excited, and no one really stood out. But i have a nagging feeling that i stood out. Every class has there own personality, and will see how this one turns out. Everyone looked like they were in there late 20s to late 30s. We were chillaxing, and absorbing all the advice the welcoming committee had to offer. Did not see any cuties, that's great for me, less distractions.

We'll see how this goes. My journey has officially begun.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Campus visit

Several months back, we had visiting day at the university. Essentially, they had students come in for a tour of the campus.

The first order of the day was several presentations made by various professors and personnel from the school. They basically talked about how great the school is, the history of the school, and how anesthesia was a great profession, and a lucrative profession as well.

We had a guided tour of the campus. They showed us various locations such as the nursing labs, financial aid office, and the gym (i will definitely be using the gym).

We also had lunch, which was nice, and we got to know each other. They also had upper class men come and speak to us. The upper class men were very professional and offered many help full advice. They addressed issues such as scheduling, clinicals and working while doing the anesthesia program (that's one topic i need to address in a separate post). Lunch was delicious, and i had a great time.

It seems like a great environment, looking forward to the first day of class.

Enjoy pics taken at the local zoo

Saturday, May 29, 2010

More pictures from the Zoo

The zoo


The count down, to the first day of class, is on. I am savoring these last days of freedom, to savor the best in life. Tick tick tick... Once school starts, its all about hitting the books.

This brings back memories. Recall your first day of High school. Well, i remember mines very well. The day previous to the first day of school, i was a nervous wreck. I was fearful and timid. I took a shower, and i don't know what came over me, i left the faucet running as i left the bathroom. When i returned, the bathroom was flooded. Mother was so pissed off. Sorry.....

And my first day of first grade. I got lost in the school, and somehow ended in the 2Nd grade class. And they teased the hell out of me. Whatever!!!

I was sick as a dog the first day of college. The day before was labor day, and was partying like crazy. I went to the labor day parade, and it rained as i was dancing in the crowed, probably gyrating and showing off my best dance moves. The rain stopped, the sun came out, my clothes dried up. Then it rained again, and i was wet again head to toe. Needless to say, i woke up with a fever. And my mother forced me to leave for school, i was miserable, unhappy, uneasy and in the worst mood possible.

Hope this day of first is different.

In the meantime, enjoy pictures i took at the zoo. Again, let me reiterate , i am enjoying my last days.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My heart has been broken

So, i received some shocking and hurtfull news. One of my dear friends, an upper classman at another school, has decided to leave the CRNA program. For privacy reasons, i shall not go into details, but i will say that it hurts deeply. This is the person that i look up to, and admire dearly.

The decision is made, and i respect that. By no means is this program a measure of intelligence, or of one's nursing skills, but requires alot of dedication and focus. If you really want to do this, if it is in your heart, if this is your passion, if you put in the work, then you will succeed.

This came as a shock mainly because this person was to be my "go to person" for support and advice. By no means do i consider this person a failure. Instead, i look at this as an opprtunity to learn. The person had great advice, and basically told me to follow my heart.

I was devasted and wanted so badly to crawl to a corner, and cry. I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness coupled with fear. But i remembered one of my favorite quotes: The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”

I WILL go into this program giving the best that i can.
And, once again i thank you dear friend for your honesty, advice, and your gift of friendship.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The home stretch

So, it's been several months now since i received my acceptance letter. One can not describe the intense feeling i had when i received my acceptance letter. It was the best feeling in the world. I've been working towards this goal these last couple of years. I transferred to an ICU to fulfill the requirements for the program, took physics as a requirement for some schools, and even took the GRE. The biggest sacrifice had to be saving money.

Long ago, i realised the commitment it took to be a nurse anesthetist. I spoke to countless students, and newly hired CRNAs; the overall consensus was that at some point or another i would have to leave my full time job and go part-time, or per Diem. I saved as much as i could by not moving out of my parents house, i didn't purchase a new car (i kept my old beat up ride from nursing school and my friends made fun of me), and saved as much as i could whenever possible.

I am at the home stretch now; school starts in the next several weeks. I'm so nervous mainly because i have been out of school for a couple of years now. To alleviate my nerves, I've been reviewing EKGs, blood gases, and a few drugs.

Friday, May 21, 2010


Heart bounding Thru my chest, palms sweaty, i felt faint. I had all these emotions rushing Thru, like a Tsunami. I was scared, didn't know what the letter was going to say. But at the same time, i was thinking, the wait is over. I caught myself saying once last prayer as i opened the letter. I whispered under my breath, "oh Lord." My eyes began to fill up with tears, my heart was racing. Those last few minutes felt like an eternity, i couldn't open that letter fast enough.
It's been a few months now since i received my acceptance letter to Nurse anesthetist school. All the feelings of excitement have steadily died down, replaced by feelings of anxiousness and nervousness. I'm still pretty excited but i just want to get this show on the road. These last few months I've been preparing for school by taking harder assignments at work, reviewing EKG and blood gases, and reading " Watchfull care: a look at America's nurse aneshtetist", and just relaxing. The count down is on until the first day of classes.
With all the pressures CRNA students are prone to, i decided to have an outlet for my experiences. I am hoping that blog will be cathartic. Each entree will be based on my personal experiences and, occasionally that of my classmates. I am attending a front-loaded program, and all the didactic classes come first. The good stuff, clinicals, come later.
I'm hoping that my experience will motivate hopeful nurses into applying, and i am hoping that other SRNAs will share their experiences with me.

Thanks guys, wish me luck.