The most studying i have ever done so far

Man, i tell you, this is by far the most studying i have ever done in my life. I swear, sometimes i get discourage. But i constantly remind myself of my goals and i just keep on moving. There is a light at the end of the tunnel i tell you.

Undergraduate nursing was child's play compared to what I'm doing now. If you though that pharmacology as an undergrad was hard, you are in for a hell of a ride. This is pharmacology on steroids. Plus, my professor cant teach well at all, and it makes it even harder because when you don't understand something and you ask professor "A" to explain, "A" cant. And that just baffles me. I don't get it sometimes, you've been teaching all these years and you still cant explain the concept and you just expect us the read and read and read until we get it on our own. And this only make the situation harder for us.

Some professors are great. I mean, they go above and beyond. You leave their class having actually learned something. And others, you feel like you didn't accomplish anything.

I spend 12 sometimes 16 hours in the library. As an undergrad, i studied a lot as well. I did do some 12 and 16 hours blocks of studying, but those where meanly around midterms and finals. Nowadays, my pushing 12hours every single day. No wonder i have no time to date (i know i know this should not be on my priority list). This one girl in the class complains that she doesn't spend all day studying like some people (i.e Blondy, brainy, cocky and myself, yeah these are some people from class, ill describe each personality on the next post) and "who has time for that" and the next week she was complaining that she didn't pass the midterm and was begging the professor for extra credit. So, i don't feel bad sometimes spending my days here.

Anyone planning on going to CRNA school, just prepare yourself for the long hours in the library, group study and some people wanting to compete with you. I don't understand the last point, why do people feel a need to compete? why cant we just help each other? Anyways, I'm in no competing mood, i just want to learn and graduate. Point blink. Leave me alone, go find someone else who has time for that.

4 more weeks till some must needed rest and recovery.

Peace out.
Going back to studying

The anesthesia machine

So, we are currently studying the anesthesia machine. I'm pretty excited.
Its basically used to support the administration anesthesia, and it will be my electronic companion as i administer anesthetics.

I've been in the lab practicing and reading about the machine. The machine in the lab is dirt old, i mean really old, nothing remotely close to the newer machines currently being used in practice. Let me elaborate, imagine riding around and learning how to drive in a 1989-1990 Toyota. When later on, you will be driving a fully loaded 2011 BMW with all the latest features. Get the picture.

I swear, I've never seen anything so old. Sometimes, i pray that this thing does malfunction on me and blow up (that's not gonna happen but I'm a little paranoid i guess). I'm sure that those things must be hella expensive and we can not afford a newer version. We have to do all these calibrations and checks on these machines. And guess what? my classmate, lets call her Blondy, told me that on the newer versions you don't have to do all that work. You just basically hit a button and it does all these calibrations for you. Awesome!!!!

Been reading about the different systems (high pressure, intermediate and low pressure).Fun stuff...Cylinder, gauges, DISS, PISS, common flow valves and all that. I must say, it is all fun and very interesting. I mean, this is going to be how i will be managing people's lives. So, i better be in the library learning the ins and outs of the machines. Just which i could use the newer versions as well.

Anyways, 4 weeks left until the end of the 2ND semester. I'm excited, cant wait the hit the road on my road trip. Finals are coming up, not excited about that but I'll admit the fuel in this engine is slowly running out. Its time for some much need rest and recovery.

Guys, i love anesthesia. I swear, even on my road trip i will be reading more. Yup, I've found my calling.

Wish me luck Y'all
Happy holidays

Things that i am greatful for this thanksgiving

I am grateful for the home I live in, the car I drive and the food I eat. How can I not mention my parents for their emotional and financial support during this journey of anesthesia school.

I am grateful to all my real friends who have seen me through a lot of good and bad over the years. Though we are hundreds of miles apart we are still close in mind and spirit. Seeing me through my process of applying to anesthesia school and now seeing me actually in anesthesia school.

I am very grateful that I don't owe one penny to anyone. My parents taught me to work hard for what I wanted. It was a lesson well learned and one that I still live by today. But by the time i graduate anesthesia school i will be owing "uncle SAM" a good chuck of change but it will be for the best.

I am grateful that as a staff nurse, i never killed anyone (you know wrong doses, wrong med situation) and i am grateful that i never froze during a code. Although I'll admit that i have gotten violently sick after a code (ie IBS etc..)

I am thankful for love and good people in my life that surround me with it.I am thankful for education and the great opportunities I have been given and to be able to go to a great school and meet great people.

I am thankful that despite everything that has happened recently, i am still open to love, finding love, being in love and to being loved.

Last, but not least, I am grateful to God for every day he gives me on this earth.

CRNA school is hard

Yeah, that's no surprise. I mean i am going to be handling people's lives. One wrong calculations in my med dosages, one wrong med given or not being an efficient CRNA can at any moment change someones life forever. The material is hard, especially pharmacology.

Pharmacology is hard. It is excessive and a lot of work. It is not easy and combined that with a pharm professor that's not on his "A" game and you now have a recipe for disaster. I mean, the pharm professor, lets call that one A, is a nice human being with a great personality but teaching isn't "A"s thing. Having someone who knows there stuff to the tee would be great for us. But unfortunately, this is the situation i'm in. We don't have a great pharm professor and it makes things that much harder. The other professor, lets call that one X, is all over the place. I swear, Ive never met someone so disorganized in my life. But honestly X means well. X wants to see all of us pass and all but man, i hate going to that class. But, i get to play with the anesthesia machine and i usually ignore the situation.

My other professors are great. Oh thank you Lord that i have the other two. Unfortunately, i wont have them next semester but at least i can enjoy them for now. Yes, i have professor X and A next semester and i am not looking forward to that. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, seniors told me that one of the anesthesia professors next semester is great. So I'm looking forward to that.

Mean while, i noticed that I'm like one of the only people who always stresses out about exams and all that. Seems to me like everyone else is just chillaxing. I mean, they study don't get me wrong but, i just feel sometimes that i worry too much and just need to take a step back and breath. Maybe I'm an overachiever? maybe? possible?

Honestly i spend most of my days in the library. Ive clocked in 12-16 hour days in the library. I swear, my family hardly see me. And from the situation that i ran into a few weeks back (drama in my love life), i now find myself pushing the limit now, doing more 16 hours then 12 just to keep my mind off things. I know a few other people who spend a lot of time studying as well. But sometimes i just have to remind myself to take it easy.

Anyhow, one of my closest friends wants to set me up on a semi blind date with two potential contenders. I say semi because Ive seen them before and befriended them on facebook. That facebook i tell you, nothing but trouble. They seem cool. I just have to pick which one to go out with, and they don't have a clue :)

Anyways, have a great thanksgiving guys

my fave quotes

No one ever reached to excellence in any one art or
profession without having passed through the slow and painful process
of study and preparation. - Horace (via W.E.)

“Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs.”

Albert Einstein quotes

My biggest fear

I love anesthesia, i honestly do. I cant imagine myself doing anything else. But my biggest fear is having to know so many drugs in school and sometimes i fear that i wont remember them when i get to clinical practice, God willing that i get there.
I taught i was the only one with those concerns, until someone mentioned that in class yesterday, and we all started talking about it. Its comforting to know that everyone else has those same fears, and doubts. Our professor even addressed that issue, and reassured us that once we start clinical practice we would have a better understanding of those drugs then our clinical preceptors because they are still fresh in our minds. He was honest with us and said that 70% of anesthesia graduates forget 90% of what they learned. You just have to refresh yourself in clinical practice, and you wont have to deal with the amount to drugs you learn in school.

Well, made me feel little better, but i still have fears.

Yup, and he didn't forget to mention that in a code people will be looking at the anesthetist to run it (i knew that part already), and you just have to take a breath and do what your trained to do. Yeah sounds easy until your in the situation and everything you could possibly fear that could go wrong, will go wrong.

I'm doing my best here to stay positive. I'm going to learn as much as i can, and do as i am trained. And the rest is in the hands of the big guy upstairs (i know that i'm not alone)


peace out
Hitting the library

This was one of the toughest weeks yet

Wow, i am mentally and physically exhausted, and it really didn't have anything to do with school actually. Nonetheless, i made it through, and navigated through a rough patch in my life.

Yeah, the purpose of this blog was to strictly vent about the everyday activities related only to anesthesia. But, its sometimes hard to separate my private life from anesthesia life. I have to be a professional and leave my feelings at the door. And most of the times i do, but sometimes you just cant help it. And this weekend was rough.

I had two major exams this week, had one yesterday and the other today. I'm not a procrastinator and i actually like reading everyday. Well, that habit came in handy because by the time Friday came, disaster followed.

First, it was waking up at 430am and seeing my grandmother in hypertensive crisis and in distress. It wasn't fun, had to rush her to the hospital. I was concerned over that but she managed to do well. Sleep deprived and calm after that episode, i jetted off to the library. But by the time nighttime came, had another major crisis. And this time it had nothing to do with the grandparent. I'm not going into details but i was simply left in tears and heart broken. I usually have a hard time trusting people, and for the first time i let my guards down just to be deceived.

I spent most of Sunday morning in a daze, could barely touch a book and had little sleep. Sunday night, i managed to pull myself together and read a little for my exams. But anyways that was the weekend, and on Monday my classmates could see that i was not myself. Guess I'm not good at hiding my emotions.

But, remember that crazy professor i told you about in one of my previous post. I swear, i couldn't stop laughing the whole class. Professor A. was clearly having a bad time too, and A. was just crazier then ever. I laughed so hard that it dried my tears away. We learned about the anesthesia machine, and A. clearly needed some practice using the machine. I'm guessing that A. hasn't used that type of machine in a long time.

Anyways, i managed to pull myself together and took one exam on Monday. Grades are back, and looking good. :). Had the other one today, and we'll see what happens.

I feel better actually. I have great friends and family. And although i didn't go into detail about the 2nd crisis in my life with them, they understood and still gave support. I am truly blessed to have great friends and family that understand me.

I navigated through a taught one you guys. lets just say, you have no idea what went on. But God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

I take it as a life lesson. Never a failure, always a lesson.

Anyways, today is the first night in a long time since i have taken some time out for myself. I think i finally deserve a brake from mr books, and I'll see him tomorrow in the library.

Goodnight people.